morning

i don't know why they expect me to function fully so early in the morning.

i arrive at 8:38. i e-mail. i drink my medium coffee (one sugar, two creams) and i blank out in front of the screen.

there will be no work done until 9:30. but then i will work madly, frenzied by the coffee pumping through my system.

i do not know why they expect me to work right away.

i do not know why they expect me to work.

I want to be a bento box

In the world of the bento box, there is a place for everything, and everything has its place.

We are brought up to believe that the same is true for life. Everyone has a destiny, and every destiny has its place in the big wide world scheme of things.

At the same time, we are taught to believe that we choose our destiny. But it is either one or another. It cannot be both.

The choice haunts me. It would almost be easier to simply fit snugly into my bit of the bento box and make the best of my new home.

Instead I am overwhelmed with the hourly, daily, monthly, yearly choices I make.

I see people dotting the grocery aisles -- frozen in thought -- looking up and down at all the choices for apples, oatmeal, anything. how much time of your life can you devote to making choices? when must you throw yourself into the answers, any answer, because the question is consuming your life?

rilke says it best: live the questions now and someday you will live yourself into the answers.

stop spending eternity wondering, start spending now acting.