The birthday haul

My family is a little bizarre, in a sweet way. Nothing demonstrates this fact more than birthdays, Christmases, or really any excuse for presents.

Tonight I ripped open my two birthday parcels from the homeland the night before my actual birthday. Honestly, I expected books, clothes, gift certificates.

Here's a glimpse of my actual birthday haul:

• A set of steak knifes.
  
• A nightgown.
  
• A package of cream cookies made by my hometown bakery.
• A card that shows a picture of a screaming upside down baby new to the world, getting spanked on the ass. Inside the card, it reads "From the day you were born, you were into the kinky stuff." That's followed by a comment in my mother's handwriting, "Your dad said we should send this card. If Oma can send you sexy lingerie then we can send this card." (My grandmother has a penchant for sending sexy underwear, usually as an an Easter gift, and also sent nightgown.)
  
• Five separate gift cards to Future Shop.

If a stranger were to judge me on the gifts I received, they'd think I was a meat- and cookie-loving, kinky girl with a gadget fetish.

Hmmm, is that so far from the truth? Probably, but I'd definitely let them think that.